August 16, 2006 Dear Annie,
I don't want to get divorced but I'm sure tired of my marriage. I see these other couples our age, been together for decades, and they seem so happy. They hold hands. My husband ignores me and only comes alive when he's busy with his hobbies. All of the little things he used to do, calling during the day just to let me know he was thinking of me, buying a card every once in a while or some tiny surprise and leaving it where I'd find it, have disappeared. I'm not even sure if he cares anymore, but I still love him.
Awake at 3 in the Morning, Chehalis, WADear 3 AM,
You mean you're tired of the way your marriage feels right now, not that you're tired of your marriage. Your husband loves you. He's just turned into a middle-aged man, so comfortable in his life and relationship with you he's taking it all for granted. I'm not pooh-poohing your problem, just trying to help you put it into perspective. The couples you see have problems, too, but everyone wants to show a smiling face in public.Grab his hand next time you're out together. I won't tell you to get involved in his hobbies. Married people need separate interests, and why insert yourself into something you might not even want to do? But if there is a way you can be a companion during his "coming alive" time, do it. For instance, my husband likes to pan for gold and other minerals, and I take our little girl and mess around by the riverside. If you go to church, perhaps your pastor can help with some counseling. If not, seek help. A few visits with a marriage counselor would do wonders for you two.
Annie
Please write to:
Annie, P.O. Box 1084, Eatonville,WA 98328
E-mail: letters_annie@hotmail.com
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