May 11, 2005 Dear Annie,
My mother died last year, and two things that happened then bother me a lot. One, people were laughing at the funeral. Not during the service, but afterward. I don't know what about. To tell the truth, I'm not even sure who it was, but that they laughed during such a heart breaking time for me and my sister seems so callous. The other is that some of the sympathy cards we received weren't even bought, they were those ones you get in the mail with a plea for a donation to a charity. They couldn't even go to the store and pick out a card with my mother in mind? Just pull one out that has been sent to them, no thought involved. That hurt. Please comment.
J. W., Onalaska, WA
Dear J.,
No one is out to make your hurt any worse, sweetheart. The laughter was innocent. People see each other and visit, and especially during a sad time, need a little light hearted banter to help them get through. There was no way they wanted to add to your heart ache. They were at the funeral to show how much they cared for your mother and you and your sister. Cards are sent out of respect and affection, too, not as a way to keep score. The fact that people made the effort to convey their sadness in your mother's passing and their sympathy to your family should make you feel good, not compel you to turn the card over and see how much it cost or where it came from. Please rethink your priorities and be thankful for so many who cared for your mother and you and your sister. Don't let these petty thoughts keep you from cherishing what's important in life: people.
Annie
Please write to:
Annie, P.O. Box 1084, Eatonville,WA 98328
E-mail: letters_annie@hotmail.com
Past Ask Annies:
May 11, 2005 Funeral Guests Laughed and Friends Sent Cards Soliciting Support for Organizations
May 4, 2005 Employee Expected To Do Janitorial Work
Apr. 27, 2005 Lamenting Bad Parents
Apr. 20, 2005 Tribute to Fine Parents
Apr. 6 & 13, 2005 Boyfriend Acts Silly
Apr. 6, 2005 Wife Made Doilies When Angry at Husband
Mar. 30, 2005 Over Fifty's Showing Midriff
Mar. 23, 2005 Momma's Boy Has Some Good Points
Mar. 16, 2005 Momma's Boy 2 and Smelly People 2
Mar. 9, 2005 Disposing Girlfriend's Mom's Things and Boyfriend Always Has Cell Phone In Ear
Feb. 23, 2005 Noisy, Un-private Hospital Childrens' Areas
Feb. 16, 2005 Unkind Remarks and Brother-in-Law Who Wants Son's Bedroom
Feb. 9, 2005 Stop Complaining and Smelly Employees
Feb. 2, 2005 Daughter Caretaker for Complaining Mom
Jan. 26, 2005 Pestered Employee Might've Been a Man
Jan. 19, 2005 Pay Less Attention to Relatives' Crude Remarks
Jan. 12, 2005 Fellow Employee Guy Pesters Her
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