Feb. 16, 2005 Dear Annie,
I liked what you said about learning to take the unkind things people say with a grain of salt. I am a retired counselor with a school district in Arizona, and I heard from kids every day who were hurt by thoughtless remarks their parents, teachers or friends made. It takes years of growing up to look behind the jab and wonder what makes the person who slung that arrow take aim. I think of those people as "snipers." The most vicious attack when someone's already down, but most snipers simply make cruel remarks without wicked intent. They just don't think. For example, one overweight middle school student told me her mother bought her a shirt that said, "Humpty Dumpty" on it and told her, "It reminded me of you." There was a school of thought decades ago that it takes 100 kindnesses or compliments toward a person to undo one slam. That seems a bit excessive, but people do need to remember the damage painful comments inflict, especially on those not mature enough to have developed internal armor.
Mr. Arthur, Centralia, WA
Dear Mr. Arthur,
You must've been a great counselor. Thanks for your insight.
Annie
Dear Annie,
My brother-in-law thinks we're awfully unfair because we won't kick our son out of his room whenever B-I-L wants to use our house as his hunting base camp. I say he can sleep on the couch himself, and my husband backs me up on this. Still, he whines.
Stubborn S-I-L in Randle, WA
Dear Stubborn,
Stick to your guns! How would B-I-L like to do his whining in a hotel room? People who impose on others are lucky to get any accommodations. Make it too comfortable and you might have B-I-L around for way too long!
Annie
Please write to:
Annie, P.O. Box 1084, Eatonville,WA 98328
E-mail: letters_annie@hotmail.com
Past Ask Annies:
Feb. 16, 2005 Unkind Remarks and Brother-in-Law Who Wants Son's Bedroom
Feb. 9, 2005 Stop Complaining and Smelly Employees
Feb. 2, 2005 Daughter Caretaker for Complaining Mom
Jan. 26, 2005 Pestered Employee Might've Been a Man
Jan. 19, 2005 Pay Less Attention to Relatives' Crude Remarks
Jan. 12, 2005 Fellow Employee Guy Pesters Her
Jan. 5, 2005 New Gung Ho Leader in Volunteer Group
Dec. 22, 2004 Guy She Helped A Lot To Move To Packwood Found Packwood Lady
Dec. 8, 2004 Wife Drinks Too Much At Parties
Dec. 1, 2004 Holiday Spirit: Proud of Her Country, Co-workers and Family
Nov. 10, 2004 Bearded Guy's Wife Won't Shave Legs
Nov. 3, 2004 Daughter Finds Father's Remarriage Difficult
Oct. 27, 2004 The Bravest People Are The Elderly, and More About Bringing Guest Home to Crude Family
Oct. 20, 2004 Another Bringing New Beau Home to Rude Family plus This Divisive Election
Oct. 13, 2004 Bringing New Beau Home to Rude Family
Oct. 6, 2004 Recipe a guy can make: Cinnamon Rolls
Sept. 29, 2004 Stop complaining and appreciate what we have.
Sept. 22, 2004 It's the long-married who need the household gifts.
Sept. 15, 2004 How Do I Be The Bride's Maid?
Sept. 8, 2004 Political Signs in Morton Jubilee Parade
Aug. 11, 2004 Adjusting to the loss of loved ones and appreciating the family we have.
Aug. 4, 2004 Mom Was Right About The Guy & Reply to a Critic Of Proud To Be An American
July 28, 2004 Go See and Enjoy Your Family
July 21, 2004 Readers Suggest Solutions to Doting Wife
July 14, 2004 Wife Dotes on Husband After Retirement
July 7, 2004 Canadians Think Americans Are Too Proud
June 30, 2004 Annie Column "Trivial?" plus More Supporting Parents
June 23, 2004 Repeat: Packwood Flea Marts
June 16, 2004 Doesn't Want to Marry Older Guy
June 9, 2004 Rented to Friend's Kids
June 2, 2004 Daughter Reluctant to Help Brother Support Parents
May 5, 2004 Strife While Building a House
Apr. 28, 2004 Blessings in a Physically Challenged Child Hunting Easter Eggs
Apr. 21, 2004 Pushy people who keep telling us, "You should..."
Apr. 14, 2004 Abusive Dad, Discourteous Telephoning
Apr. 7, 2004 Guilty About Inadequately Reciprocating to Wonderful Giving Friend
Mar. 31, 2004 Kids Selling Cookies
Mar. 24, 2004 Big Girl Wants to Avoid Brother's Fancy Wedding
Mar. 17, 2004 New Manager Getting Gifts from Subordinate?
Mar. 10, 2004 Loaned Money to Roommate
Mar. 3, 2004 Complaining about Boring Older Peoples' Talk
Feb. 25, 2004 Give Kid's Items to Food Bank
Jan. 28, 2004 Bad Phone Manners
Jan. 21, 2004 Avoid Church Because of Flu?
Jan. 14, 2004 Boyfriend Breakup But Gift, Also Relative Tells Private Life
Dec. 24, 2003 Memories of Good Parents
Dec. 17, 2003 Christmas Gift for Wife?
Dec. 10, 2003 Thanks to Food Bank Helpers
Dec. 3, 2003 Child's Names on Belongings & Appreciating Family at Holidays
Nov. 26, 2003 Big Family Thanksgiving with Paper Plates
Nov. 12, 2003 Husband Driven Nuts To Do Crafts By Wife
Nov. 5, 2003 Dreading Husband's Retirement
Oct. 29, 2003 Move back home from boyfriend's house?
Oct. 22, 2003 Did I raise my daughter to do these things?
Oct. 15, 2003 Misunderstanding about School Workers' Kindness
Oct. 8, 2003 Prayer for Brown Sisters Killed and Change Schoolyear to Oct.1 to June 30
Oct. 1, 2003 Response About Non-tipping Lotto Winner
Sept. 24, 2003 Church-goers Inattentive
Sept. 17, 2003 Friend Sells My Stuff on Ebay
Sept. 10, 2003 Lottery Winner Didn't Tip Clerk
Sept. 3, 2003 Business Insults to Consumers
Aug. 27, 2003 Divison of Wedding Expense
Aug. 20, 2003 School Workers' Kindness & Men's Attractiveness
Aug. 13, 2003 Attractiveness Hints
Aug. 6, 2003 Annie's Husband's Accident at Work
July 30, 2003 Deer Automatic Sprinkler Best & Stores Don't Stock Washington Clothes
July 23, 2003 Scarecrows and Halloween Decorations Scare Off Prowlers Too
July 16, 2003 Redhead Asks Attractiveness Advice
July 2, 2002 Atomatic Deer Scarecrow Blasts Prowler