for July 14 & 21, 2004 July 14 Dear Annie,
My wife's worked at times during our 37 year marriage, but for the past decade, she hasn't been employed. I've always made enough money for that to be possible, and even to retire now, at age 62. What I didn't realize is that now that I'm home, she's always here! I never get away from her. When she sees me get ready to go somewhere, she puts down her book (or whatever) and starts getting ready to go, too. My career was demanding and I spent many hours away from home. We've been married since we were pretty young, and she's still so important to me, but since I never get a break from her all I see are the things that bother me. She has gotten involved in all this phony, hokey stuff like psychics and the powers of minerals. She does yoga and chants. She sits and stares at me if I do try to read a book or have some quiet time, even watch the news. I don't know if I can take it much longer. It's sure not the sunny retirement scenario I had in mind! Please, help!
Ready to Look for a Job in Littlerock, WA
Dear Ready,
It is sad that your wife didn't develop friendships and interests of her own with you gone so much, for so long! Her scenario of your retirement must've included you being the recipient of her undivided attention. It would be hard not to notice her chanting, and her belief in things you disagree with. Did she take weekends off from her weird behavior while you were working? Talk to her. She should understand your need for time by yourself, as you should understand her need for your attention now that you have time to spend with her.
Annie
July 21 Dear Annie,
Our quilting group was discussing your column. We couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy who wrote about how now that he's retired, his wife being around all the time is driving him crazy. My friends and I (women) felt exactly the same way when our husbands retired. One poor man was so lost without his job to do that he followed his wife around the house! These are the men who are forlorn if their wives pass away. We decided to write you a group letter and tell you what worked for us:
Get out of the house! If your husband or wife follows you, all the better. Weed the garden, go eat at the senior center, walk down to get the mail. Do things together. You'll bond again. Every day, think of one thing you love about your spouse. That's our romantic advice. Now for the practical advice: If they're absolutely getting in your hair, and you really need a break, think of a project you might need their help with. When I start cleaning closets, my husband becomes very scarce, right now! As soon as he's gone, I might lose interest in that particular chore, only to return to it the next time he begins to bother me. We had a good laugh over one quilter, who admitted to leaving the front door open to let flies in so her husband would go around swatting them and leave her alone to watch her soap opera! But we also agreed how blessed we are, to be able to spend leisure time with the men we chose to spend our lives with.
Six Centralia Hens
Please write to: Annie, P.O. Box 1084, Eatonville,WA 98328
E-mail: letters_annie@hotmail.com
Past Ask Annies:
July 21, 2004 Readers Suggest Solutions to Doting Wife
July 14, 2004 Wife Dotes on Husband After Retirement
July 7, 2004 Canadians Think Americans Are Too Proud
June 30, 2004 Annie Column "Trivial?" plus More Supporting Parents
June 23, 2004 Repeat: Packwood Flea Marts
June 16, 2004 Doesn't Want to Marry Older Guy
June 9, 2004 Rented to Friend's Kids
June 2, 2004 Daughter Reluctant to Help Brother Support Parents
May 5, 2004 Strife While Building a House
Apr. 28, 2004 Blessings in a Physically Challenged Child Hunting Easter Eggs
Apr. 21, 2004 Pushy people who keep telling us, "You should..."
Apr. 14, 2004 Abusive Dad, Discourteous Telephoning
Apr. 7, 2004 Guilty About Inadequately Reciprocating to Wonderful Giving Friend
Mar. 31, 2004 Kids Selling Cookies
Mar. 24, 2004 Big Girl Wants to Avoid Brother's Fancy Wedding
Mar. 17, 2004 New Manager Getting Gifts from Subordinate?
Mar. 10, 2004 Loaned Money to Roommate
Mar. 3, 2004 Complaining about Boring Older Peoples' Talk
Feb. 25, 2004 Give Kid's Items to Food Bank
Jan. 28, 2004 Bad Phone Manners
Jan. 21, 2004 Avoid Church Because of Flu?
Jan. 14, 2004 Boyfriend Breakup But Gift, Also Relative Tells Private Life
Dec. 24, 2003 Memories of Good Parents
Dec. 17, 2003 Christmas Gift for Wife?
Dec. 10, 2003 Thanks to Food Bank Helpers
Dec. 3, 2003 Child's Names on Belongings & Appreciating Family at Holidays
Nov. 26, 2003 Big Family Thanksgiving with Paper Plates
Nov. 12, 2003 Husband Driven Nuts To Do Crafts By Wife
Nov. 5, 2003 Dreading Husband's Retirement
Oct. 29, 2003 Move back home from boyfriend's house?
Oct. 22, 2003 Did I raise my daughter to do these things?
Oct. 15, 2003 Misunderstanding about School Workers' Kindness
Oct. 8, 2003 Prayer for Brown Sisters Killed and Change Schoolyear to Oct.1 to June 30
Oct. 1, 2003 Response About Non-tipping Lotto Winner
Sept. 24, 2003 Church-goers Inattentive
Sept. 17, 2003 Friend Sells My Stuff on Ebay
Sept. 10, 2003 Lottery Winner Didn't Tip Clerk
Sept. 3, 2003 Business Insults to Consumers
Aug. 27, 2003 Divison of Wedding Expense
Aug. 20, 2003 School Workers' Kindness & Men's Attractiveness
Aug. 13, 2003 Attractiveness Hints
Aug. 6, 2003 Annie's Husband's Accident at Work
July 30, 2003 Deer Automatic Sprinkler Best & Stores Don't Stock Washington Clothes
July 23, 2003 Scarecrows and Halloween Decorations Scare Off Prowlers Too
July 16, 2003 Redhead Asks Attractiveness Advice
July 2, 2002 Atomatic Deer Scarecrow Blasts Prowler