for April 7, 2004 Dear Annie,
I have a very thoughtful and generous friend, and I'm thankful for her presence in my life. The last few years, I have been busier and busier, a baby, job, not a lot of extra time anymore, and her kids have actually moved out of the house, leaving her with even more time on her hands. I am feeling guilty because she went all out for my birthday, bringing gifts and homemade cupcakes to the meeting we both attended that night, and I'm pretty sure I just gave her a gift last year. She's been so giving on so many occasions I'm feeling like I don't do a very good job of reciprocating. How can I let her know I appreciate her extra efforts, even if I don't always give back exactly the same as I got?
Not so Thoughtful in Graham, WA
Dear Not,
Please quit being so hard on yourself! Your friend realizes the demands placed on a mother of a young child. She's been there herself! You don't have to reciprocate in kind to all of her overtures. It sounds like she's kind and caring, so she'll certainly understand when you explain to her what you've told me. Why don't you note her birthday on your calendar so you don't forget it when you're busy? As long as you keep telling her thank you for what she does, and do something special for her every once in a while, you're doing okay. You don't have to stay up baking brownies all night to let her know you appreciate her consideration. Someday she may be busy with whatever life throws her way, and you may be the one delivering balloon bouquets, but for now, thank her kindly and consider yourself lucky to have such a benevolent friend.
Annie
Please write to: Annie, P.O. Box 1084, Eatonville,WA 98328
E-mail: letters_annie@hotmail.com
Past Ask Annies:
Apr. 7, 2004 Guilty About Inadequately Reciprocating to Wonderful Giving Friend
Mar. 31, 2004 Kids Selling Cookies
Mar. 24, 2004 Big Girl Wants to Avoid Brother's Fancy Wedding
Mar. 17, 2004 New Manager Getting Gifts from Subordinate?
Mar. 10, 2004 Loaned Money to Roommate
Mar. 3, 2004 Complaining about Boring Older Peoples' Talk
Feb. 25, 2004 Give Kid's Items to Food Bank
Jan. 28, 2004 Bad Phone Manners
Jan. 21, 2004 Avoid Church Because of Flu?
Jan. 14, 2004 Boyfriend Breakup But Gift, Also Relative Tells Private Life
Dec. 24, 2003 Memories of Good Parents
Dec. 17, 2003 Christmas Gift for Wife?
Dec. 10, 2003 Thanks to Food Bank Helpers
Dec. 3, 2003 Child's Names on Belongings & Appreciating Family at Holidays
Nov. 26, 2003 Big Family Thanksgiving with Paper Plates
Nov. 12, 2003 Husband Driven Nuts To Do Crafts By Wife
Nov. 5, 2003 Dreading Husband's Retirement
Oct. 29, 2003 Move back home from boyfriend's house?
Oct. 22, 2003 Did I raise my daughter to do these things?
Oct. 15, 2003 Misunderstanding about School Workers' Kindness
Oct. 8, 2003 Prayer for Brown Sisters Killed and Change Schoolyear to Oct.1 to June 30
Oct. 1, 2003 Response About Non-tipping Lotto Winner
Sept. 24, 2003 Church-goers Inattentive
Sept. 17, 2003 Friend Sells My Stuff on Ebay
Sept. 10, 2003 Lottery Winner Didn't Tip Clerk
Sept. 3, 2003 Business Insults to Consumers
Aug. 27, 2003 Divison of Wedding Expense
Aug. 20, 2003 School Workers' Kindness & Men's Attractiveness
Aug. 13, 2003 Attractiveness Hints
Aug. 6, 2003 Annie's Husband's Accident at Work
July 30, 2003 Deer Automatic Sprinkler Best & Stores Don't Stock Washington Clothes
July 23, 2003 Scarecrows and Halloween Decorations Scare Off Prowlers Too
July 16, 2003 Redhead Asks Attractiveness Advice
July 2, 2002 Atomatic Deer Scarecrow Blasts Prowler